Forgotten Needs
by Zyra M
Summary: Han and Leia struggle with the balance of parenting and making time for each other, and a minor incident brings out much bigger issues and leads to far more trouble than either could've anticipated.
1. Chapter 1

"Wake up, sleepyheads!"

Han Solo could barely even open his eyes to acknowledge his oldest son's request. It couldn't possibly be morning already.

After a few moments of pretending to still be asleep and hoping to be left alone, he heard the voice again, and he felt the five-year old's body crawling between him and his wife, Leia. "I said, wake up!"

Han felt small hands shaking his shoulders, and he knew he couldn't put it off any longer. "All right, all right," he relinquished. "I'm awake."

"Me, too," he heard Leia mutter sleepily beside him. "We'll be out in a minute, Jacen."

Clad in his sleep pants, Han swung his legs over the side of the bed and rubbed his eyes.

"You want to shower first today?" Leia asked.

"Sure," Han answered through a yawn before stumbling toward the 'fresher.

It was a routine they had become accustomed to over the past few months. Now that the kids were a little bit older, they had decided to try and limit the amount of outside help they'd been receiving. They'd also agreed to spend less time work so that they wouldn't need Winter to be around as much and could do more of the parenting themselves.

Although they were happy to be able to spend more time with their growing children, it had left them far more exhausted than they'd anticipated. Han wasn't sure that he had ever been so tired in his life on such a consistent basis. But he also didn't want to miss out on any more of Jacen, Jaina and Anakin's lives than he had to.

He knew that Leia wasn't handling their new schedule much better. They'd hardly had a chance to have any kind of adult conversations lately, since any moments they finally found to be alone were usually late at night, when the only thing they had any desire for was sleep. It wasn't quite how he wanted his family life to operate, but he decided it was just something he was going to have to put up with until the kids were older and more self sufficient.

He let the warm water wash over him and hoped that it might help him wake up a bit more.

* * *

A little while later, when Han was clean and dressed, he joined the rest of his family in the kitchen. "You're not going to forget to come get me later, right?"

Leia looked up absently while wiping breakfast off her 5-year old daughter's chin. "What? No, sure. Fine."

Han looked at his wife who was obviously a bit flustered that morning, trying to keep the household from complete chaos. That afternoon he was scheduled for a relatively minor dental procedure, but one that required that he be put under anesthetic and therefore needed a ride home afterward. Chewie was back on Kashyyyk for a few days visiting his own family, Luke was away, and while Leia was obviously a very busy woman, she had assured him that it would be no trouble to come pick him up.

He put a hand on her shoulder, hoping to get her attention for a quick goodbye kiss. "Okay, I'll see you later then."

Completely oblivious to his intentions, she patted the hand on her shoulder once. "Right. Bye, Han."

Disappointed, he puckered his lips and kissed the air before placing a hand on his daughter's head. "Bye, Jaina."

"Bye, Daddy!" She shrieked from her seat at the kitchen table, causing him to smile. At least someone in his family still harbored some enthusiasm.

He turned to his sons, whose toy droids were caught up in some sort of epic battle. "Bye, guys."

Not even looking up, Jacen and Anakin responded, "Bye."

Han Solo really did enjoy his life. It was just that sometimes it seemed as though it was happening without him. The kids' childhoods seemed to be flying by in a haze of pure exhaustion from trying to function through their day-to-day activities. Some days it seemed harder than others.

He knew that he wouldn't trade his life for anything in the universe, but sometimes he just wished that maybe he and Leia could be a bit more like they used to be before Jacen, Jaina and Anakin were born. He loved his children dearly, and they had provided him the opportunity to experience having an actual family for the first time in his life, but lately, he felt as though he and Leia had become so focused on the children's needs that they didn't have any time left for each other.

He loved Leia, and he loved watching her being a mother and suspected that she loved watching him as a father. But somewhere in the middle of all of that they had forgotten how to be husband and wife. While it made perfect sense to Han to put their children first, he also didn't see why that had to come at the expense of forgetting about the spouse entirely.

He'd tried to be romantic at times, but Leia always usually seemed distracted. Wondering how the kids were doing, if one of them might be getting sick, if someone was doing something they weren't supposed to. After a while, it seemed far easier to simply stop trying.

The worst of it was that at times, he felt completely obsolete in the lives of his own wife and kids. He was no Jedi, he couldn't sense the things that they could, couldn't teach them anything in that regard. It was more than slightly frustrating, and he didn't like feeling useless.

He couldn't quite figure out what had suddenly pushed him to the breaking point, but he hoped that maybe a little bit of drug-induced sedation might help, and he set off for the dentist's office.


	2. Chapter 2

The lights seemed far brighter than he remembered. The next thing he noticed was that in spite of the fact that he was fairly certain he was lying still, the room seemed to be spinning around him. Not yet willing to sit up, he saw a woman enter the room out of the corner of his eye.

"Looks like someone's awake. How are you feeling?"

"I don't know." It was an honest answer. He couldn't feel much of anything.

The woman smiled at him in amusement. "Well, I'm sure you'll be ready to sit up soon. You said your wife was coming to get you, right?"

_I have a wife? _He thought hard for a moment. He could barely even remember who he was, but Leia's face finally popped into his head. _Oh, her. What the heck did they give me? _

"Yeah, I told her to be here at 1530."

"All right. We'll send her in when she gets here. For now, you just lie down. You're going to be dizzy for a while."

"Fine. Just let me stay in here and sleep until she gets here. I don't get much of that at home."

"Of course, General Solo. I won't let anyone disturb you."

"Thanks."

He shut his eyes, hoping that by the time Leia arrived to pick him up, the dizziness would subside., but also looking forward to the opportunity for a quick nap.

* * *

Leia had come home from work to relieve Winter just in time to break up yet another fight amongst her Force-sensitive children. Anakin was playing by himself, trying to stay out of the rift between his siblings. "Will you two please stop fighting? Go to your room and play quietly."

"But Jaina – "Jacen began, but his mother cut him off.

"I don't care what she did, Jacen. Just go to your room. I've got some work to do before dinner. Threepio, would you mind getting that started?"

The droid had been hiding in the doorway, trying to avoid the unruly Solo children. "Of course, Mistress Leia."

Defeated, the twins walked back towards their bedroom, and Leia turned her attention to the blue-eyed boy in the corner. "You too, Anakin. Dinner's going to be ready soon, ok?"

"Ok, Mommy."

Leia smiled at her youngest son, then sat down on the couch with her data pad. Was there something else she was supposed to do today? It was a wonder some days that she could manage to get herself dressed. She shook off the feeling and tried to finish her day's work as quickly as possible.

* * *

Han opened his eyes again, seeing the blank white room around him. Didn't he just wake up there? Reaching up to rub his eyes, he realized that he didn't feel nearly as dizzy anymore. The medication must've been wearing off, and he figured Leia would be there any minute to pick him up. But his eyes widened once he glanced at his wrist chrono and realized that she was supposed to be there to pick him up two hours ago.

Sitting upright, he shook away the head rush before walking out the door to the waiting room where he found a lone receptionist.

"Hello, sir, are you feeling better? Who was it who was supposed to come pick you up?"

"My wife." Han was suddenly more than a little bit worried that something had happened to Leia that afternoon.

He quickly pulled his commlink out of his pocket to make sure everything was all right, exhaling sharply when he heard Leia's calm voice on the other end. "Hi, Han. What is it? Will you be home soon?"

"You tell me. You're the one who was supposed to pick me up."

"What do you mean? Where – " Realization suddenly dawned on her. "Oh, I completely forgot. I'll leave the kids with Threepio and I'll be right over."

She severed the connection before he even had a chance to respond. He had been relieved that something hadn't happened to her, but was now embarrassed in front of this strange woman who knew that his own wife had left him there.

Waiting in silence, Han wondered just how far down on her list of priorities he had gone to be left off completely.

Several minutes later, Leia entered the waiting room and Han looked at her from his chair.

"Come on, let's go. Threepio's almost got dinner ready."

Not an apology. Not acknowledgement that she was over two hours late. Had there not been a random stranger in the room, he might have lost it right then. But once they were in the speeder, his anger had turned to hurt, and he wasn't feeling much like yelling.

By the time dinner was over, he still hadn't said a word. The children had been sent off for a few final minutes of playtime before bed, and he remained seated at the dinner table, his food hardly touched.

Leia came over to clear his plate. "What's the matter with you? Do your teeth still hurt?"

There was no physical pain from the dental procedure he had undergone, and he spoke softly, not looking up from the table. "You forgot about me."

"I know, I'm sorry, I just lost track of…"

"Did you even notice that I wasn't here?"

"Of course I noticed, but don't act like this is the first time you've ever been late without calling."

"That's not what this is about. I asked you to come get me, and it was hours before you even realized I was missing."

"You know how much energy these kids require, and that I often have work that needs to be done. You're a grown man, Han. I know you can take care of yourself."

"Again, you're missing the point, here. I'm asking you seriously, does it even matter to you or to anyone whether or not I come home every night?"

She looked a bit taken aback, but her voice hadn't softened. "That's ridiculous. Of course it matters."

"I'm not so sure about that anymore. Honestly, Leia, sometimes in this little scenario here I feel like I'm not much more than a sperm donor. Just someone to make sure that the next generation of Skywalker Jedi are a little bit taller."

That didn't seem to sit well with her. "Han, you're being absurd. After all this time you can't honestly believe that that's the only reason I married you."

"Well, sure. Maybe not at first. But what does anyone here need from me anymore?"

Leia pinched the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger. "Han, I'm too tired right now to deal with your irrational thoughts of inadequacy. You know I love you. You know the kids love you."

"The kids also love Cocoa the talking bantha, but that doesn't mean that they _need _him. If we stopped letting them watch his stupid show it'd probably only take them about two weeks to forget that he even existed. You forgot about me, and it took you quite a while to realize it."

"Aren't you being a bit dramatic here? It's not like I left you for dead. You fell asleep in the dentist chair."

"It doesn't matter where I was. The fact of the matter is that you didn't even realize I was gone."

"Listen, I think that anesthetic has had some affect on your brain. Will you please just come to bed and we can talk about it in the morning when we've both gotten some more sleep."

"I don't want to talk about it in the morning. By then we'll be back into the old routine, taking care of the kids and we won't have much of a chance to breathe let alone talk."

"Do you think that you're the only one here who sometimes feels undervalued and underappreciated?" Her calm, rational voice was gone. Now she seemed to be getting angry. "Being a parent is a fairly thankless job, Han, and one you'll have for the rest of your life. I suggest you get used to it."

"I don't care about being underappreciated. I'm not looking for a 'thanks, Dad for making me breakfast,' or a, 'Han, thanks for cleaning up the kitchen.' That's not what I'm talking about. You know that if you didn't come home after work one night this house would damn near fall apart without you. The kids _need _you. I _need _you."

"You're acting awfully selfish, you know."

That stung. "Sure, that's it. Selfish. You know what? I love having kids with you. It means more to me than you'll ever know, but I don't think it has to mean that you and I stop being anything to each other aside from live-in nannies who happen to sleep next to each other. I miss having a _wife."_

"I'm still your wife, Han."

"Not the way you used to be you aren't. Listen, I love Jacen, Jaina and Anakin. But I love you, too. And I just don't understand why having them in our lives means that we forget about each other. And if that's selfish, then I'm the most selfish man in the galaxy."

Leia stared at him silently for a few moments, and Han decided he'd had enough of this argument and turned to leave.

"Where are you going?"

"What the hell do you care? You didn't notice I wasn't here before, shouldn't take you long to forget about me again."

"Han, I – " the door slammed behind him and Leia was left alone in the entryway.


	3. Chapter 3

"Mom, where's Dad?" Jacen asked. It was mid morning, and Han still had not returned after storming out the night before. Leia hadn't slept much. After managing to get the kids to sleep, she'd spent much of the night tossing and turning in her empty bed, angry at Han for having walked out on them and wondering when he'd be back. She never expected to wake up that morning to find that he still hadn't come home.

"I don't know, Jace." _He's being childish and trying to prove a ridiculous point._ "I'm sure he'll be back soon, though."

Leia heaved a sigh from her spot on the couch, one eye on her data pad and the other on Jacen's small form disappearing into his bedroom with his brother and sister while she tried to keep from giving them any indication that something was wrong.

The longer Han was gone, the more Leia realized that he might be right about a few things. Somewhere along the line they had gotten so caught up in being Mom and Dad that they forgot how to be Han and Leia. It was obviously just something they were going to have to work at and make a priority much like caring for their children.

She realized she missed the more intimate moments she used to share with her husband. Not just the physical either, but simply being in each other's company and talking about anything and everything, staying up late, sipping wine and laughing with each other. Once upon a time they'd barely been able to keep their hands off each other. Sure, priorities had shifted a bit, but as far as she knew, they were still in love and they both deserved better than what they had now.

She decided that she and Han were going to have a long talk once he got home, although first she was going to let him know how angry she was with him for having walked out for such an extended period of time. Surely he had proven his point by now. Once she got that out of her system, they might talk about how to reclaim their relationship.

"Mom!"

Leia heard Jaina's voice calling from the children's bedroom, and instinctively trotted off toward the noise. "What – "

She stopped when she took in the sight of her three little angels. Jaina was standing, looking quite proud of herself for calling attention to the situation. Jacen and Anakin were kneeling, facing one another. Anakin's slightly pudgy belly was exposed, his shirt lying on the floor next to him. Jacen was looking at his mother, fear in his eyes at knowing he was in trouble. The red marker in his hand dropped to the floor, evidence maybe he thought his mother might not have seen.

It was one of those moments when she knew that she was supposed to be angry, maybe even furious. Severe punishments needed to be handed out in spite of the fact that all she wanted to do at that very moment was break down and laugh hysterically and take a few holos to record the situation. She instantly wished Han were there so that they could laugh about it later.

The majority of exposed skin on her youngest son's body was covered in red doodles – obviously the work of the five-year old artist who had dropped the marker. His face, his belly, his arms, even his little bare feet were covered in ink as she finally took in his entire appearance.

"See, Mom? Look what Jacen did!" Jaina pointed triumphantly.

Leia took a deep breath to compose herself, finally feeling like she could say a few words without bursting into laughter. "I know, honey." She put on her stern mom-voice. "Jacen, why did you do that to your brother?"

Mischievous brown eyes looked up at her, and for a moment the young boy reminded her an awful lot of her husband when she'd had to yell at him in the past. Where was that stubborn Corellian?

"I thought… I mean, he said it was ok."

"Jacen, your brother is only three years old. He doesn't know what's ok and what's not. Would you like it if he drew all over you?"

Jacen thought for a moment before answering. "Yes?"

Hmmm… wrong question. "All right, since we're all here, I just want everyone to know that it's never ok to draw on _anyone, _is that understood?" It never ceased to amaze her just how specific one needed to be with young children. What seemed obvious to most was never obvious to these little ones. She loved to blame their impishness on her husband, but the truth was, she knew that she was no perfect angel when she was little, either.

All three of them looked at her and nodded, "Yes, Mom," they said in unison.

"Ok, now, Jacen, I want you to pick up all of the toys and markers in this bedroom while I clean Anakin up. Can you handle that?"

"Yes, Mom."

"What about me, Mom?" Jaina asked. It never failed that if one child was left out of being in trouble they were always incredibly pleased with themselves.

"You just try not to let anyone get into anymore trouble, ok? But don't give Jacen a hard time."

"Ok."

Leia hoisted her youngest son up off the floor and carried him off to the 'fresher to see just how well this marker of Jacen's worked. Once she had him in the tub and started scrubbing with a washcloth, she was glad to see that the marker seemed to come off fairly easily.

"Don't you let your brother or your sister convince you that it's a good idea to be their sketch pad again anytime soon, ok Ani?"

"Ok, Mommy." Anakin was mostly distracted by the bath toys he was darting in and out of the water while his mother continued erasing the evidence of Jacen's artistic abilities.

Suddenly, the blue eyes looked at her while she finished getting the last of the ink from his little nose. "Mommy?"

Her hand cupped his small chin and she stopped scrubbing to look at him. "What is it, sweetie?"

"Where's Daddy?"

She sensed a genuine concern coming from her youngest son. For a three-year old, he had already proven to be particularly perceptive. Han had gone away for days at a time often in their young lives, but they were always informed as to where he was going and when he'd be returning. It wasn't often that there was an unexplained absence… unless he was in trouble. And it frightened her that it seemed that her Force-strong children could often sense their father's pain on some level.

"Daddy just went out for a little while. He'll be back soon. Don't worry."

"Is he with Uncle Chewie?"

She wished he was. "No, Anakin. Uncle Chewie went back to visit Malla for a few days. I think Daddy's just working on the _Falcon_ but he'll be back soon."

She hoped he'd be back soon. Had he finally been pushed too far? Had he actually abandoned his family for good? Leia wasn't sure whether she should be hurt or furious. And she found herself wishing he'd brought up his concerns before they'd gotten him to this point.

_You don't think I sometimes feel like I've lost part of myself? Will you please just come back so we can talk about this?_

Anakin didn't look convinced at his mother's answer. Leia reached over to throw the switch to drain the tub before grabbing a large towel to wrap her son in. "Come on. Let's get you dressed so you can go play with Jaina and Jacen. I'll see if I can find out when Daddy will be back."

"Ok."

Once the children were playing somewhat quietly in their bedroom, Leia decided it was time to see if she could get in touch with Han. She was growing increasingly impatient with him. His point had been proven. He hadn't come home and she'd noticed. The children had noticed. In spite of her anger, she missed him and she knew the children did too. They'd both said what needed to be said and they needed to resolve things.

When Han failed to answer his comm, Leia grew even more impatient with him. _Stop acting like such a child, Han, and come home! _

She decided to check and see if the _Falcon_ was still docked, which it was. The security logs indicated that nobody had been in the hangar for at least 48 hours. She thought for sure he would've retreated to the sanctuary of his ship, but that didn't seem to be the case.

_So, what, did you go off somewhere and get drunk last night? Are you sleeping on Lando's couch because you're too afraid to come home now? You know what? Maybe we don't need you around here if this is how you're going to treat us. We seem to be doing just fine without you. _


	4. Chapter 4

Hours later, Leia found herself lying awake once again. She had managed to get the children into bed after much protesting about how Daddy did the voices better in the bedtime story they had asked her to read. She had reminded them that Daddy still hadn't come home – a fact that was making her more and more furious as time went on.

She was finding it increasingly difficult to hide her rage from the Jaina, Jacen and Anakin, and she couldn't understand how Han could be so thoughtless as to walk out on them for that period of time without so much as a word about where he was going. As far as she knew, he was likely still on-planet, but that was about all she could tell.

In spite of her anger, she realized with a shiver that she also missed him terribly. She reached an arm over to his empty side of the bed, missing the warmth he had always provided and realizing she had taken his presence for granted lately and how comforting it was just to have him there next to her. Had she really become so oblivious to his existence?

They had fallen into such a rut lately of getting through their days by focusing on work and the kids that they had simply become partners in managing the family. Night after night they'd fall into an exhausted sleep, usually one long before the other, rarely even getting a chance to say goodnight.

Leia thought guiltily back to one particular evening a few weeks prior, when by some miracle, they had gotten the children to bed early, and neither one of them had to stay up late to complete any work. As Leia had gotten into bed, ready to make up for some lost sleep, she felt Han's arms snake around her waist and his mouth on the back of her neck.

It had felt nice, for sure, but all she could think about was the early meeting she had scheduled and how important it was that she get enough sleep, so she remained still.

"_Come on, sweetheart," _she'd felt his breath against her neck, and suddenly the idea of saying no seemed less appealing. _"I know you're not asleep yet."_

His tone had been light and playful, and she'd found herself feeling bad for denying him, even if what she needed most at the time was rest. It had been too long.

She'd rolled over to look into expectant, hazel eyes. There had been a time when just one look into those eyes would've caused her to melt and submit to anything he'd ask of her. When had the universe worn her down so badly? When had she forgotten what it was like to be a woman instead of just the New Republic official and mother to Jacen, Jaina and Anakin?

She hadn't had the heart to say no, especially since she had stifled his advances many times lately for similar reasons. Making love to Han had always been a wonderful experience, but somehow, without her even realizing it, pure exhaustion had overwhelmed any of her usual desires.

She'd wrapped her arms around his neck and told him flatly, "_All right, but make it quick. I have an early meeting."_

Before she'd said it out loud, it seemed like it would be a fair compromise. He'd get what he wanted, and she would still get at least some of the extra sleep she so desperately needed. But as soon as she'd heard the words in her own ears, she'd instantly regretted them. The hurt in his eyes was enough to make her feel guilty all over again just thinking about it. She hadn't thought through exactly what those words had implied.

Han's hands had released her immediately and he rolled away from her onto his side, releasing a deep breath.

She hadn't known what to say to fix things, but knew he needed to hear at least something. _"I'm sorry, Han. I didn't mean that."_

He took a few more deep breaths before answering. _"You wouldn't have said it if you didn't."_

"_Please, Han. I'm sorry."_

There was silence for a moment, and he finally answered simply. "_No."_

She'd decided to try a different approach, and gently walked her fingers on the exposed skin along his rib cage. _"Come on, you can take as much time as you need."_

Han had rolled over onto his back then, propping himself up on his elbows, and the look in his eyes had turned from hurt to anger. _"Damn it, Leia, you don't get it, do you? I don't want you to make love to me because you feel like you _have _to. Do you know how it makes me feel when you want to just get it over with?"_

"_I'm sorry, Han. I do want to, it's just that – "_

"_Right. You're tired. You'd rather sleep. I get it. Just forget I asked. I'm not going to beg you. Why don't you let me know the next time you're not too tired and maybe you actually _want _to make love to me, and not just to do me a favor. Forgive me for thinking that maybe it was something you might actually enjoy. Goodnight."_

He'd rolled away from her then, and she could tell it was a long time before he fell asleep. She hadn't known what to say then, and she still couldn't figure out what would've made things right again. At the time, she'd been irritated that Han didn't understand her side of things, that it wasn't that she no longer desired him, it was simply that the timing was bad.

Then she'd thought about how it sounded that she preferred sleep to him, and how she'd brushed off his advances so often lately without giving it a second thought. It was no wonder he hadn't felt needed. She'd missed him as well, it was just that she'd been too wrapped up in everything else to realize it.

_Every wife wants to be desired by their husband, and I've just been pushing him away, _Leia thought_. He doesn't deserve to be treated like that_ _and I_ _don't deserve to deny him or myself like that._

They hadn't talked about it. They never talked about much of anything anymore that didn't directly involve the kids. In the nights that had followed, by the time she came to bed Han was usually fast asleep, or at least made it look like he was. She'd still wake up on occasion with his arm draped over her, longing for some sort of closeness, and right now she missed feeling the weight of his arm and the warmth of his body pressed against hers more than ever.

When he did return, she decided they were going to have a long talk and make things right. But only after she let him know how irresponsible it was for him to walk out on them like that.

She was suddenly startled when the door to their bedroom opened, and for a moment she thought that maybe Han had finally come back. Ready to let out the angered speech she'd been preparing in her head, she remained silent when she noticed a much smaller body in the doorway.

"Mommy?" Her youngest son's voice was barely a whisper, and she sensed fear in him.

Leia propped herself up on her elbows. "What is it, sweetie. Did you have a bad dream?"

The young boy nodded slowly, still standing in the door.

Leia folded the blankets down on Han's empty side of the bed, opening up a spot for him. "You want to come sleep here with me?"

Without a word, Anakin walked up to the bed and snuggled up against his mother while she held him close and stroked his hair.

After placing a gentle kiss on the crown of his head, she asked, "What was the dream about?"

Anakin remained silent for a few moments, then answered quietly. "It was so dark and cold."

Leia waited for him to continue, but that was all he said. "It's all right, now. You're safe here with me."

"But Daddy's not."

The words struck Leia hard in the chest. She wanted to reassure him that Han had chosen to leave and that he was fine, but she wasn't so sure anymore. Anakin had an eerie ability to sense those things - even at such a young age - and didn't often just make things up.

"You don't think Daddy is safe wherever he is?"

After a moment, he spoke softly again. "He can't see. It's so dark."

Her son's fears seeped into her own senses and washed over her. Unfortunately, there wasn't much she could do aside from offering empty words of reassurance.

"It's ok, Anakin. I'm sure Daddy's ok."

_And if he is ok, I'm going to kill him when he comes back. _"You're safe here with me. You just go to sleep."

She heard his breathing slow and his eyes closed against her chest. Lying down next to him, she tried to send him soothing thoughts, all the while hoping that his fears were unfounded, before she fell asleep along side him.


	5. Chapter 5

_********A/N – Finally we are going to find out what happened to Han in this chapter. And not to beg, but please, if you like what you're reading, please review! Feedback feeds the muse! ******_

The first thing that Han was aware of was that he was cold. Actually, freezing was a more adequate word for it. From the moment he awakened, his teeth were chattering. His eyes were open, but he couldn't see anything. He wanted to reach up and remove his blindfold, but he realized that his hands were bound behind his back.

Too many things about his current situation reminded him of being in carbonite, and his breathing became shallow and frantic. His face was pressed up against the cold, duracrete floor below, and all he could think to do was yell. "HEY!"

There was a faint echo, but no response. Whoever had gotten him into this position hadn't been smart enough to cover his mouth. Or perhaps they'd known that it wouldn't matter either way, since nobody could possibly hear him.

While futilely struggling with the binders that restrained his arms, he tried to remember what had gotten him into this mess in the first place.

After walking out on Leia, he had wandered down to the lower levels of Coruscant – far lower than most men of his current status ever ventured, but where he could be fairly certain that he'd be virtually ignored. All he had wanted was to disappear for a little while, and that was the best place to do it.

It was the kind of establishment he'd visited often in his youth, long before the rebellion and becoming a public figure. Most beings in those dives tried their best not to make eye contact with anyone, as most were trying to avoid run-ins with law enforcement. He had been sipping on a strong drink, having no desire to drink himself into oblivion, but needing at least something to take the edge off the irritation he was feeling before going back home, all the while wondering if he'd even still be welcome there.

It was then that he'd felt her cold, bony hand on his shoulder. Her face was familiar but aged beyond her years and as pale as the ghost he thought she was.

"_It's been a long time, Solo."_

It took him a moment to get past his shock before he could answer. _"Nesla, I thought you were dead."_

He was momentarily glad to see her. The tall, long-haired brunette was clad in a black skinsuit underneath an open, purple cloak. She was a few years older than him, and had also been unfortunate enough to be enslaved by Garris Shrike. Nesla's parents had been killed by imperials right in front of her, and she rarely showed much emotion, but she and Han had become fast friends.

Han vividly remembered an instance in which the two of them had plotted escape and Han had tried playing the hero and naively promised that he would never let anything happen to her. She had only been in their group for a few months before she disappeared, and when Han asked what had happened to her, Shrike had bluntly told him she was dead, and he should forget about her. Han was only 11 years old at the time, and Nesla had been about 14.

She had been like a sister to him for a brief time, and he hadn't forgotten the pain he'd felt at hearing she was gone from his life forever. If he wasn't feeling so unsettled by the angered, icy look in her eyes, he'd have hugged her. She didn't seem to be interested in that kind of reunion.

"_You should've known better than to believe anything Shrike told you, Solo. Do you remember the last time you saw me, Han? They sent us out together, only we got separated. You didn't come to look for me. They captured me and left me for dead. Only I didn't wind up dead, Han. I was found and used to bring in money for a very different sort of organization."_

Without asking for specifics, Han knew exactly what she meant. It made him feel sick to his stomach to think that the child he remembered would be subjected to something like that._ "Nesla, I'm so sorry to hear that. It must've been – "_

He turned toward her on his bar stool, but before he could say another word, he felt her fingernails digging harshly into his shoulder._ "Hell? You have no idea, Solo. You also have no idea how it felt to see how you turned out after all that, and know that nobody ever gave me a chance to have a normal life, let alone the life of a big shot hero."_

Han swallowed hard. He knew as well as anyone that he didn't deserve what he had. He'd gotten lucky, but there were many others he'd known then who weren't anywhere near as fortunate, and he was reminded once again of how unfair life could be for some people. In that instant he decided that once he got home he was going to be damn thankful for what he did have, even if at the moment it was far from perfect._ "I'm sorry. I don't know what to say."_

"_You knew what to say then, didn't you? You told me you'd never let anything happen to me."_

The anger in her eyes made him feel as though he'd betrayed her just yesterday and he found himself getting defensive. _"I was just a kid, Nesla. He told me you were dead. What was I supposed to do about it?"_

"_Anything!"_

Han was becoming more than a little uncomfortable with the rage she was feeling toward him. This was not the innocent girl he knew when he was a kid. He slowly slid his hand down to his right thigh, nearly panicking when he realized that his blaster was not strapped there, but rather had been left at home when he'd abruptly stormed out. He was actually going to have to try and talk his way out of this one._ "Look, can we just talk about this? Maybe there's something I can do to help you out."_

"_I don't want to hear your explanations, Solo. Or your help." _He felt the unmistakable harshness of a blaster pressed against his ribs, and she leaned in close to his ear and spoke quietly._ "I want you to know what it's like to be trapped without anyone in the galaxy who cares about you. Waiting for someone to save you but knowing it's never going to happen."_

"_But – " _she'd cut him off by digging the blaster more harshly into his ribs, causing him to wince.

"_No more talking. Let's go, hot shot." _

She had led him out of the bar then. And as usual in places like that, not a single patron paid them any attention as they walked outside to her speeder.

"_And don't try and tell me that you know what it's like," _she'd said_. "You can't possibly imagine."_

Once he was in the speeder, he remembered feeling a sharp blow to the back of his head, and then he remembered nothing else.

The truth was, he knew exactly what it was like. He had lived that life for almost his entire childhood. Things were different now. He had a wife, kids and friends who cared about him.

Didn't they? The way he'd been feeling lately, and the way that he'd left them made him wonder. For all Leia knew, Han's disappearance was completely voluntary. If Nesla imprisoned him, it was quite possible nobody would even be looking for him.

Maybe his family didn't need him anymore, but right now, he needed them more than ever. He only had to hope that they cared enough to come looking for him.


	6. Chapter 6

Luke Skywalker was quite sure he had never seen his sister so angry with her husband.

"Two days, Luke. Two days and he hasn't called. The kids are worried sick and I'm just about ready to kill him the minute he comes in the door. How can he just walk out on us like that?"

Luke had only just returned from a week-long trip, wishing now that he had been around when Han had first left so that Leia could've vented her frustrations earlier. She rarely confided in anyone, and when she let her emotions fester, the imminent explosion was quite powerful.

But beneath the anger, he sensed genuine concern as well as hurt. He knew she was worried. He also knew that it was easier for her to be furious with Han than to worry for his safety.

They were seated on the couch facing one another, and Luke reached over and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Calm down, Leia. You two have fought before. Plenty of times, in fact."

Leia looked up and gave a half-hearted smile. "I know we've fought before, Luke. But he's never been gone for so long before - not without telling me where he was going. And he certainly hasn't walked out on the kids like this without saying goodbye."

That was precisely why Luke thought she should be more concerned. He knew Leia was having difficulty seeing past her anger enough to realize that Han definitely was not the kind of man who would disappear like that. "Do you want to tell me what you were fighting about?"

Leia took a deep breath. "Han was angry with me for forgetting to come pick him up at the dentist."

Luke waited for her to continue, but she remained silent. "That's it?"

The princess looked up at her brother. "Maybe not exactly. He said that I forgot to come get him because I didn't even notice that he wasn't here. And then he asked if we would even care if he never came home."

"Seems like a pretty dire conclusion based on one mental slip."

"I'm not sure that it was really the one incident that upset him so much," Leia continued. "It seemed like it brought up some deeper issues that have been building for a while."

"What kind of issues?"

"He doesn't think we need him anymore. He doesn't think that we make time for each other anymore and focus all of our energy on the kids. I told him he was being selfish."

"Well, do you really think he was being selfish?"

Her brown eyes looked into his, and she knew she couldn't get away with a lie. Her shoulders slumped. "No. Not really. I guess I just don't know what he wants me to do. There are only so many hours in a day. Am I supposed to just push Jacen, Jaina and Anakin aside and put Han first?"

"No, of course that's not what he wants you to do. But, Leia, you know as well as I do that it can't possibly be good for a relationship if you never take any time for yourselves. When was the last time you two went anywhere? Just the two of you - no kids."

Leia thought back. She remembered a few times when Han had suggested just that, but she had brushed him aside saying that she was too tired, or she didn't want to leave Jaina when she had a cold, or the kids had been more rambunctious than usual and she couldn't in good conscience leave them with Luke or Chewie to deal with. Then she realized that he had simply stopped asking all together. Why hadn't she realized sooner how badly she'd been ignoring him lately?

She hated when he was right.

"I guess it's been a bit longer than I'd care to admit," she replied. "But that's still no excuse for walking out on us like that, Luke. If this is how he's been feeling for a while, he should've mentioned it sooner. He's an adult with real responsibilities and he can't just abandon his family like this."

"Are you sure that's what he's done? You told me about Anakin. Maybe it wasn't just a dream."

Leia shook her head, unwilling to contemplate the dire possibility. "No, Luke. You didn't see how mad Han was when he left. He's doing this on purpose to prove his stupid point. But all he's proven is that we can get along just fine without him. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go check on my children since their father has left me to take care of them myself."

Leia marched off toward the children's bedroom, leaving Luke wondering just how much pain his brother-in-law had caused his sister. He could sense that she was beyond worried. But he also knew that at the moment she was too angry to act on her fears.

He hated being in the middle of their arguments. He wanted nothing but happiness for his sister and his best friend, and in spite of any of the fights they'd had, Luke knew even without the Force that they truly belonged together.

Luke also strongly believed that Han wouldn't disappear the way he had. Not for two days. Something wasn't right, and if Leia wasn't going to do anything about it, he was going to have to find out what it was.


	7. Chapter 7

The shivering had become almost painful. Han was lying on his side on the cold floor, his legs curled up as close as he could get them to his chest in a futile attempt to keep warm while his empty stomach growled at him. He'd tried lying on his back, but with his arms bound behind him, he couldn't get comfortable.

In an effort to distract himself from the cold, he tried thinking of the times in his life when he was warmest. The first to come to mind was his own bed. Preferably with Leia lying next to him, wrapped in his arms under the blankets. If he closed his eyes tight enough and ignored his chattering teeth it seemed he could almost feel the heat of her skin pressed against his. He knew she'd been distracted lately, but usually once she finally came to bed he found at least some comfort in holding her while she slept, and she hadn't seemed to mind. He desperately longed for the warmth and comfort she provided, maybe even the feel of her heated breath against his chest.

Then of course there were warm, real water showers. The kind where you turn the water up so hot that it almost starts to burn. He and Leia were fortunate enough to have multiple shower heads in the bathroom they shared, so every inch of skin would be covered with soothing, warm water. Even better was that the shower was big enough for two, a feature they'd utilized on more than one occasion.

The same could be said for their vast, whirlpool tub. Han had never been much for baths until he learned how much more fun they could be when you weren't in the tub alone. For a moment he even thought about bathing the children in that tub, the bubbles overflowing and the laughter as they played with their toys and splashed their dad. And afterward when he'd shown them how to draw pictures on the steam-covered mirrors with their fingers

Of course there was Tatooine. Waiting to be executed on the sand skiff while the twin suns blazed down on his skin.

No, afterward, when they'd managed to escape and he was finally reunited with Leia. Wrapping her small body in his arms and realizing that she'd been forced to wear a slave girl costume. He'd covered her with his shirt, and the entire trip back to the _Falcon _he hadn't let her escape from the protective circle of his embrace, and she was entirely willing to remain.

She'd come for him then. She'd risked her life for him then. It was the first time in his life he realized that anyone could possibly care about him that much. She'd done the same thing too many times since, as he had for her. He tried to remember what had happened between then and now. Perhaps his luck had simply run out. Or maybe Leia had just realized that Han had nothing left to offer her.

He still loved her desperately, and he wanted to believe that in spite of the distractions, she felt the same way about him. But she hadn't given him much of a reason lately to believe that was the case.

_Snap out of it, Solo. The cold is making you crazy. Leia still cares about you. Come on, sweetheart. You've just been overwhelmed lately. You still love me, don't you?_

He was snapped from his contemplation when he heard the noise of a door opening and the briefest hint of warm air. Lifting his head toward the sound, he found he was still unable to see. He felt a merciless hand grab the hair on the back of his head and yank him up to a seated position on the floor, his back against the cold wall behind him.

Then he heard Nesla's voice. "How do you like this, Solo?" She asked before removing his blindfold and revealing the irate woman in front of him.

He took a quick glance at his makeshift prison and it appeared that he was in some sort of cooling unit. There were boxes of rations and thick metal walls that surely wouldn't have let any sound out.

"L-l-listen, Nesla. I don't know what you're trying to prove, b-but why don't you just let me go and we can w-work something out? I can help you find some good, honest work. You can make a better life for y-yourself. Please, let me help y-you."

"It's too late for that, Solo. You have no idea what my life has been like since you last saw me. There's no way they'd let me live the way you do. Married a princess, did you? Does she know where you came from? Does she know you used to steal for a living?"

"Nesla, I was a kid, then. So w-were you. We didn't have a choice. Besides, Leia knows what my life was like growing up. In fact, she's the one who made me see that it wasn't something I should be ashamed of. She knows it wasn't my f-fault. Just like what you did w-wasn't your fault."

She punched him hard across his left cheek, sending the right side of his face slamming against the duracrete floor. The pain was immediate and he could tell that this was not the first time this woman had thrown a punch like that.

"You don't get it, do you?" He could see her breath in the cold air as she spoke close to his face. "In my entire life from the time the Empire killed my parents, you're the only one who ever told me you'd help me. And you let me down, Han. I don't care how old you were. I never forgot that. Nobody knew where to find me. Nobody was there to save me. I promised myself if I ever saw you again I'd make sure you got to know what it's like."

It pained Han greatly to know that his old friend had lived through such terrible things. He didn't want to be angry with her, he only wanted to help her, but he didn't know what else to say.

"There's a p-problem with that, you know. I'm n-not an abandoned orphan anymore. People are going to be looking for m- me."

She arched her eyebrow skeptically. "That so, Solo? I've had you down here for two days. Did you know that? I haven't heard a word on the holonews about the New Republic's precious general and Princess Leia's loving husband going missing."

Han's face fell, although the news wasn't necessarily surprising. With the way he'd stormed out, there was no reason for Leia to think that he was still gone for any other reason than he chose to be. He didn't even want to know how angry she must've been with him at that moment. He'd only intended to be gone for a few hours, just long enough to have a drink or two and calm down. He wished she knew that he'd never leave for so long without an explanation. Then again, maybe she was glad that he did.

He felt a sinking feeling in his stomach, then Nesla backed away from him toward the door and he had a sudden fear that she might be the last person he'd ever see.

"Don't do this, Nesla. I've got three young kids at home and they deserve to have a father. Let me give them what we never had. Come on, you're not the kind of person who would take away some kids' dad. You know how that feels, don't put my kids through it."

He pleaded with his eyes, and for a moment he thought he might be getting through to her.

She looked away from him and squeezed her eyes shut, then stomped her black, knee-length boot hard on the ground. "Don't tell me what kind of person I am. The girl you knew is dead, Solo, and it's because of you. Your kids are too young to realize what kind of a man you really are. I'm sure I'm doing your wife a favor, too. I don't know how you tricked her into marrying a low-life like you, but by now surely she's realized her mistake."

Looking at her with his face still pressed against the ice-cold floor, he felt more helpless than he had in a long time, and he began to wonder if she was right. "So, what are you going to do with me now?"

She looked at him and flashed an evil grin. "Easy. I'm going to leave you here. Just let this be a lesson to you, Han. Never make a promise you can't keep. My condolences to your wife and kids. Although with the degree of alarm at your disappearance, I'd say it won't take them too long to get over it."

"Nesla, wait!"

The door slammed behind him, leaving him in the dark once again and quickly taking away any of the warm air that had seeped in. The cold was almost unbearable, but not nearly as unbearable as the thought of dying there alone and the possibility that nobody would ever find him.


	8. Chapter 8

Another night dragged on, and Leia was once again alone in her bed that suddenly seemed obscenely large without Han lying next to her. She selfishly hoped that one of the children would come to her, seeking refuge from a nightmare and helping to ease the intense loneliness she was feeling.

She had spent the evening putting on a brave face for Jacen, Jaina and Anakin, still trying to act as though nothing was wrong while they told her how much they missed their daddy. She could tell by the look in their eyes as she kissed them goodnight that they no longer believed her. Even she didn't believe herself anymore.

It had been too long, now. She felt as though she might be able to explain Han's absence for a night or two, but she was finally able to admit to herself, in spite of the anger she'd been feeling and her strong desire not to fear the worst, that Han was simply not the kind of man who would run away from them, no matter how upset he was. She knew him better than that.

_Where are you, Han? Did something really happen to you? I'm so sorry for how I've acted, but I can't fix things until you come home. I need you to come back to me. _

Punching her pillow in frustration, she buried her face and heaved a sigh before turning to look next to her. On the bedside table was a holo of her and Han from their wedding day, smiling and gazing lovingly into each other's eyes. In remembering the happiness and total contentment she'd felt on that wonderful occasion, she was also reminded of how much she truly did love that scoundrel, how much she missed him and how much it would hurt if she lost him.

_I never meant to take him for granted. Why do I always have to get so preoccupied? And why did I get mad at him for telling me what he was feeling? If anyone is being selfish in this situation, it's me. _

After giving up on trying to sleep, she tried to comm him again, even though she knew she wouldn't get a response. Her fears started to overwhelm her, and she was suddenly terrified that something awful had happened.

_What if Luke is right? What if Anakin's dream wasn't just a dream? _

It was still early enough that the sun hadn't come up, but Leia decided she couldn't wait any longer, so she called Winter to look after Jacen, Jaina and Anakin.

Winter arrived quickly, though to Leia it seemed like an eternity. "I'm sorry to ask you here so early, Winter. The kids are still asleep, and I hate to leave them like this right now, but-"

"Leia," Winter interrupted, "I know you want to be strong for the children, but you must realize that right now Han needs you more than they do."

Leia had simply nodded before heading to her office where she used her high-level clearance to scan through Coruscant security recordings for any sign of her husband from a few nights ago, annoyed with herself for not doing it sooner.

She had the system search for his image and, after several long minutes, finally came up with a recording from the night he'd left, maybe an hour after she'd last seen him.

He was heading into a bar. _There's a surprise,_ Leia thought sarcastically. He was on one of the lower levels where he never would've let her go by herself, and where she knew he wouldn't have been bothered. It was obvious that he wanted to be alone.

Or was it?

The next image that appeared made her stomach churn. Han was exiting the bar, several minutes after having gone in, only this time he wasn't alone. There was a woman with him, and she had her arm around him before they got into a speeder and rode off together.

Leia had never felt so betrayed. Maybe they weren't exactly the insatiable lovers they'd been once upon a time, but she didn't think things had gotten _that_ bad. Nor did she believe that Han would ever do something like that to her and the kids.

Then again, with the way he'd acted before he left, maybe she shouldn't have been so surprised. Or maybe he'd simply gotten so drunk that he didn't even realize what he was doing. The fact that he hadn't come home yet suddenly made a lot more sense, and she found herself hoping he wouldn't return at all.

She slammed her fists against the desk, wanting to only feel anger. But she couldn't keep the tears from coming to her eyes, and she brought her hands to her face. _How could you do this to me, Han? How could you do this to _us_? _

The intense ache deep in her chest made her realize that she still cared for him deeply, otherwise the thought of him with another woman wouldn't have hurt her so much.

She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to convince herself that the man she married would never have done such a thing. Surely there had to be some other explanation. But why else would Han ride off with some strange woman?

She was torn between what she'd seen with her own eyes and her unwillingness to believe what it implied. She'd never even considered being unfaithful to him, and she had always thought that he felt the same.

MY _Han would never do that to me. Would he?_

She was startled by the sound of her commlink buzzing, and composed herself just enough to answer. If she hadn't known it was a call from home, she wouldn't have even bothered.

"What is it?"

"I'm sorry, Leia," she heard Winter say. "I know I don't normally bother you at your office, but it's Anakin."

"What's the matter?"

"It's just that, he is inconsolable. He seems absolutely convinced that… well, that his father is dying. And it's starting to scare Jacen and Jaina as well. I wouldn't have bothered you unless…"

"I know, Winter. I know. I'll be right there."

After wiping her eyes and taking a deep breath, Leia downloaded the security file to her data pad and headed for home, still unsure of what to believe. She wished she could figure out a way to ease Anakin's fears without having to tell him that his father had left them purposely. The three-year old was far too perceptive to believe a lie, but she couldn't very well tell him the truth. Not yet, anyway.

_Han, I'm never going to forgive you for the pain you're causing us right now._


	9. Chapter 9

Han was curled up on his side against the wall in the cooling unit, knees bent close to his chest, trembling violently and trying to keep warm. Trouble was, he was running out of body heat.

He was also well aware that he was running out of time in spite of his attempts to convince himself otherwise. Even Han Solo couldn't survive the cold forever.

He'd decided he was probably stashed away in one of the lower level emergency rations storage units. So unless there was an emergency, it was unlikely that anyone would find him. At least not before it was too late.

He'd long ago lost feeling in his feet and hands, and the numbness had been steadily spreading from his extremities toward his core. His body was tense and shaking while breathing had become more and more of a struggle as his throat ached with every icy breath he took. The hunger pangs had subsided, but he was desperately thirsty.

The urge to sleep had become strong, but he knew that if he lost consciousness now, there was a good chance he wasn't going to wake up again.

It was difficult at that point not to see that as a good thing. If he just let go and went to sleep he wouldn't have to be so cold anymore. All of the pain could go away…

No, he couldn't give up. He clenched his eyes shut and once again pictured Leia, Jacen, Jaina and Anakin, the ones he needed to hang on for. He needed to hold his family again, tell them how much he loved them.

If any good could come of his encounter with Nesla, it was the reminder that he was incredibly fortunate that his life had turned out the way it had, and he was going to make sure that he and Leia made their relationship a priority once again. His family was worth far too much to him.

Lately he had been fixating on the bad, only to forget about any of the better moments. They were more subtle these days, but still had given him reason to know in his heart that Leia did care about him, in spite of his accusations.

He recalled a night not too long ago when he'd fallen asleep on the couch while watching a smashball game. In his semi-conscious state he'd faintly felt someone placing a blanket over his body, becoming aware of exactly who it was when he'd felt her warm lips press gently against his temple and whisper in his ear, "I love you."

He'd been too tired to even acknowledge her at the time, but the warmth of the memory provided him momentary relief from his current state and a solid reminder of what she felt for him, even if she had been preoccupied recently.

_Stay awake, Solo. She'll come for you. She always has. Don't give up on her now. _

But how exactly was she supposed to find him? Was she even looking for him? If she hadn't found him by now, it seemed fairly likely that she never would. All those times she'd saved his life, and he had to get himself into trouble just one time too many. She wasn't going to make it in time and it was his own fault for walking out on them.

He wondered if they'd ever know what had happened to him, and if they knew that he still loved them with all his heart and hadn't meant to disappear.

The cold was suffocating, and he was overcome with the helpless feeling that there was nobody in the galaxy who would come and save him. He hadn't felt so utterly alone since he was a kid, and ever since he'd met Leia he thought that he wouldn't ever have to feel that way again.

He had never wished that he had the Force, but he found himself wanting to be able to call out to his loved ones and tell them where he was and that he needed their help.

He knew that they would never hear him, but he needed to at least in his own mind say all of the things he wanted say to them before it was too late. And maybe, by some miracle of the Force, they'd at least know how he felt.

_I'm sorry, sweetheart. I'm sorry, kids. I'm sorry I left the other night, and I'm sorry that I didn't tell you how much I love you. I hope you understand that I didn't mean to leave you alone. _

_I love you, Jacen, Jaina and Anakin. You're the most precious gift a man like me could have ever received and the greatest kids a father could ever ask for. You made me part of a family for the first time in my life, and there's no way you could ever know how much that means to me. Be good to your mom. I know it's in your genes to find trouble, but try not to make her worry about you too much. _

_And Leia. You've heard me tell you I love you at least a thousand times, but there is no way you could ever possibly know how much. I know things haven't been perfect lately, but there are no words for what I feel for you. You're the most incredible woman I've ever known, and you loved me more than I ever deserved and made me truly the luckiest man alive. You gave me Jacen, Jaina and Anakin. I'm grateful for every moment we ever spent together and I'm sorry there won't be more of them. It's my fault, not yours._

_I know you're strong enough to go on without me. I hope that you'll always remember that I love you more than anything, and I'll always be with you. _

He felt the warmth of a tear as it ran down his cheek, and he wondered how much longer he'd be able to stand the cold. He pictured his family one more time, and with his eyes closed he felt the sweet release of sleep begin to overtake him.

_**A/N – Sorry for the slow update, but this scene was tough to write and I went through it a bunch of times before deciding to finally post. Perhaps a bit melodramatic, but I went with it anyway. I understand I may have made some of you hate Leia in this story, but hopefully you won't hate her so much by the end. Thanks for reading and review if you have time.**_


	10. Chapter 10

"What's wrong?"

The moment Leia walked in the door Anakin had run to her and flung himself into her arms as she knelt to his level. He squeezed her with every ounce of his strength and Leia's heart nearly broke as she sensed the anguish her youngest son was feeling.

"I don't want Daddy to die!"

Leia held him close and spoke soothingly into his ear. "Daddy's fine, honey. He's not going to die. He just needed to be alone for a few days." The words sounded hollow even in her own ears. She could no longer deny the fact that she now feared Anakin might be right.

"No, he's dying, Mommy! I can feel it, he's so cold. He wants to come home. He wants you to find him and bring him home."

Leia found it difficult to keep herself from crying along with him, and without releasing her youngest son, she glanced over his shoulder to see Jacen and Jaina looking at her from the living room, each holding one of Winter's hands. Although the twins were not crying, the look of fear in their eyes was unmistakable.

"Do you two feel it, too?"

The older Solo children looked at her and nodded slowly. Leia often wondered if maybe even though Han had no Force sense of his own, the children could sometimes sense strong feelings from him simply because they shared his blood.

Knowing Anakin wasn't ready to let go, Leia looked to Winter. "Would you mind seeing if Luke can come over here as soon as possible?"

"Of course," she replied before going to call him.

Leia carried Anakin with her over to the couch and sat down. The twins each snuggled up to either side of their mother while she held Anakin in her lap. As she held her children close, she couldn't help but wonder if their family would ever be whole again.

By the time Luke arrived, after having spent some time trying and failing to locate Han himself, Leia had managed to get Anakin to the point that he was no longer sobbing, but he still refused to leave her arms. His small hands were wrapped around his mother's neck as she rocked him gently.

Luke didn't need to see his nephew on the couch with his sister to know what the boy was feeling. He knelt next to them and placed a hand on Anakin's trembling shoulder. "What's going on?"

Anakin sniffled but didn't say a word, so Leia answered. "He's afraid something has happened to Han." After speaking for Anakin, Leia mouthed the words, _So am I _to her brother so that none of the children could hear her.

"Is that so?" Luke asked.

Quietly, Anakin answered. "I don't want him to die."

Luke exchanged a concerned look with his sister, noting the glassiness of unshed tears in her eyes. "I don't know what to do anymore, Luke."

"Well, have you heard anything from Han?"

Leia nearly-imperceptibly shook her head, not wanting to further alarm the grief-stricken child in her arms.

"Do you have any idea where he is?"

"Go look at that security file on my data pad, Luke. I need you to help me try and figure out what's going on."

Luke was confused, but did as she asked. When the video image appeared, he saw his brother-in-law exiting an establishment, a woman's arm draped over his shoulder. Luke realized very quickly why his sister seemed upset and confused. But perhaps she had failed to notice a smaller detail of the recording.

He called to her from across the room. "Do you know who this woman is?"

"No, I've never seen her before. Please tell me it's not what it looks like, Luke."

Luke could tell by the hurt she was feeling that she had misread the image, but he didn't want his niece and nephews to know what he'd seen. "Leia, I think you need to take a closer look at this. I'm pretty sure it's not what you think it is."

Leia sat up, lifted Anakin off her lap and placed him on the couch between his siblings. "I just have to look at something with Uncle Luke, ok? I'm not going anywhere." The children nodded as Leia wiped the moisture away from Anakin's eyes with her thumbs before walking across the room to join Luke.

"I can't take much more of this, Luke. Tell me you saw something helpful."

"Trust me, it's important. Just watch."

Leia turned her eyes toward the screen, and briefly, he felt her sense of betrayal. That is, until he saw her eyes widen and her hand come up to cover her mouth.

She turned to look at her brother, painful realization in her eyes. "Oh, gods, Luke. She – "

Luke placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "I know, Leia."

Her head turned to look at her youngest son, still staring back at her from the couch. "That means he might be right about…"

Luke knew exactly what she feared. The first time she'd seen the recording she'd only noticed the left arm draped over Han's shoulder, and not the blaster in her right hand, pushed up against Han's side. He hadn't sought comfort in the arms of another woman, he'd been kidnapped. And it was quite possible that Anakin was feeling like his father was dying because it was actually happening.

"We have to find him, Luke!"

She was on her feet in an instant, and Luke stood and placed his hands on her shoulders. "We will, Leia. Just calm down a bit so we can figure this out."

"We have to find that woman, Luke. Let's see if she's on any recent security recordings."

Leia snatched up her data pad and began searching for the woman's face in any recordings over the past several hours. After a few minutes of silence, her finger pointed to the blip on the screen. "There, Luke. She's there right now! We have to go."

She stood, and Anakin had his arms wrapped around her leg instantly. "No, don't go!"

Leia bent down to his eye level and hugged him tightly. "It's all right, Anakin. Everything is going to be fine. I just have to go find Daddy so I can bring him home safe. I'm going to make sure he's all right."

Leia looked at his icy blue eyes, understanding dawning in him as he slowly nodded. "I promise I'll be back soon and so will Daddy." She hugged him once more and then looked up to Jacen and Jaina, seated silently with Winter. "You guys stay here with Winter. Uncle Luke and I will be gone for a little while, but we'll be back soon." She looked to Winter. "You don't mind, do you?"

"Of course not. Please, go."

She turned to her brother. "Luke, let's go get him."

"Right."

It seemed to take an eternity to get to the lower levels of Coruscant. Leia was not generally a nervous person, but it made her incredibly uncomfortable to be in such a seedy part of the city. It didn't hurt to have an armed Jedi Master on her side, though at the moment she'd prefer an ex-smuggler with a blaster.

Once they pulled up to the location indicated on the latest recording, Leia immediately recognized the speeder she'd seen Han take off in. "There it is, Luke. She must still be inside. Let me do the talking."

In spite of the fact that there was very little light in the bar, it didn't take long for Leia to see exactly who she was looking for, dressed exactly as she had been on the recording. The woman was seated at a table by herself, nursing a drink with her head down. Leia forced a deep breath to calm down and keep from launching herself at the woman and demanding to know what she'd done with Han.

Instead, she quietly slid into the chair across from her, Luke standing over her shoulder, and gave her a stare that could melt duracrete. She asked plainly, "Where is he?"

The woman looked up slowly, and although Leia could tell by the woman's eyes that she recognized her, she feigned innocence. "I don't think I know what you're talking about."

Leia had no patience for such games, and all of her diplomatic training went out the window. You did not mess with Leia Solo when her husband's life was at stake. "You know damn well what I'm talking about. I saw that you took my husband away at blasterpoint. Now tell me where he is."

Leia had spoken the words more calmly than she thought possible, and the woman looked back at Leia and gave her a half-smile, only infuriating her further. "It took you an awfully long time to come looking for him didn't it? I'm not sure it matters anymore anyway. You're probably too late."

Pushed too far, Leia reached across the table and grabbed the collar of her cloak with both hands. "You have no idea who you're dealing with, lady. I'd _know _if I was too late. Now you're coming with me and my brother here," she nodded to Luke and continued, "and you're going to show us where Han Solo is." _And maybe I won't kill you._

The woman swallowed hard, then responded casually. "You really care about him, huh?"

Leia was confused, and eased the tension in her fists. "What kind of question is that? Of course I do."

The woman laughed to herself. "Huh, must be nice."

Leia knew she was wasting time, but she had to ask. "Who are you, anyway?"

"Just one of the ones who didn't make it out the way Solo did. Did he tell you about how he grew up?"

"He told me a little bit. He doesn't really like to talk about it."

"Well, not all of us were lucky enough to grow up and have a nice life and find people to care about us. Why did he get to live such a great life, huh?"

Leia was about ready to lose her mind and somehow managed to keep herself from punching this woman in the face. But she needed her to cooperate. "Listen, I'm sorry about whatever happened to you, but you can't blame Han, and you shouldn't be punishing him for it. Han got to live the life he has because he earned it. Now please, I've got three young kids back home who are convinced that their father is dying, and I don't want them to grow up without him. And I _need _my husband. Take us to him!"

The woman's eyes seemed to soften at her plea. "Tell me, is he a good father?"

Leia was dumbfounded as to why this woman was asking such a question, but sensing she might finally be coming around, she decided to answer. "Yes. He's a great father. The kids love him more than anything, and I don't know if they'd be able to handle it if he was taken away from them." _I don't know if I'd be able to handle it, either._

The woman's shoulders slumped, and Leia released the grip she had on her cloak. "It's not easy to lose your parents," she said. "Han was the only real friend I really had after I lost mine when we were kids."

Leia knew quite well what that was like. "Then why did you kidnap him?"

"I… I wanted him to know how it felt. He told me he'd never let anything happen to me. But he couldn't save me."

"Listen, whatever happened obviously happened a long time ago. Han's got a great heart, and I'm sure that he would've done anything to help a friend if he knew how. You have to forgive him. Please don't punish him like this. Please don't take him away from me and my kids."

Leia stared deep into the woman's eyes and finally she exhaled a sharp breath, her lower lip quivering. "I never wanted to turn out this way. Nobody ever gave me a chance to be anything better."

"It's not too late, you know," Leia said. "You can still be a better person. You can still fix this. Please, show us where he is."

"All right, I'm sorry. I'll show you where he is. But I'm afraid it might be too late."

Leia pulled her to her feet in an instant and headed for the door as Luke trailed behind. Relief briefly surged through her before she realized the urgency of the situation. "Don't count on it."


	11. Chapter 11

Luke piloted the speeder while Leia sat tensely next to him, letting the woman lead the way to where she hoped to see her husband alive. Leia had so many questions for this woman, but she found her jaw clenched too tightly in anxiousness to ask more than her name.

Nesla. Leia had never heard Han mention her before, although that wasn't surprising, still unsure how she felt about Han's old friend. On one hand she felt sorry for her, knowing that she was only a victim of her past that had led her to her current situation. On the other hand, there was the very real possibility that she had killed Han. And that, Leia would find completely unforgivable.

Luke had flown as fast as possible and when Nesla finally told them they had arrived at their destination. Leia hadn't even realized that her fists were clenched so tightly that one of her fingernails had dug into her skin and drawn blood.

There was not a soul in sight in the darkened alley they had stopped at, and Nesla led them down a series of narrow passageways, each hall becoming darker than the last. It was no wonder Leia hadn't seen any recordings of this place. It didn't seem likely that anyone had been down there recently - except of course for this woman and Han.

Finally, Nesla stopped and pointed to a large, metal door in the duracrete, sealed with a valve. "There," she said simply.

Not wanting to waste any more time, Leia nodded to her brother. "Luke?"

Knowing exactly what she wanted, Luke ignited the green blade of his lightsaber, cut easily through the door frame and pushed it open.

The dim light from outside illuminated the form of her husband, his back facing them, lying perfectly still on his side with his arms bound behind him.

Rushing to him, Leia dropped to her knees and rolled him onto his back after Luke released the binders that held his wrists and returned to stand silently with Nesla.

Leia placed a hand on either side of his stubble-covered cheeks, like ice to the touch. His blue lips were parted slightly, and there was no response from him as she cradled his head in her lap and stroked his forehead.

"Han, wake up, please?" She gave his cheek a few gentle slaps, then leaned her face down against his mouth to see if he was breathing. Feeling only the faintest hint of cold air escape his lips, she leaned down, pressing her lips to his and exhaled long and hard.

"Come on, Han. Don't do this to us. I need you to come back to me, Han. I can't raise those kids without you."

Leia held Han close, wrapping her arms around his upper body and hoping to provide some warmth as she gently rocked him. In all the times she'd ever held him, he'd never felt so cold and lifeless.

She pulled his head close to hers and whispered softly in his ear as she rubbed her hands along his back. "I love you so much, Han. I don't want to have to live without you. Come back to me."

Suddenly, there was a faint cough and a gasp for air, and the previously lifeless body was now shaking violently in Leia's arms before she saw his hazel eyes connect with hers.

"Oh, gods, Han," she said brushing her fingers along his icy forehead. "I thought I'd lost you."

His voice was only a whisper through chattering teeth. "Y-y-you c-c-came for m-me."

Leia almost started laughing through her tears. "Of course I came for you, Han. I love you too much to let you go."

He blinked slowly. "I'm s-s-sorry."

She smiled at him again. "No, I'm the one who should be sorry. I'm going to make sure I never give you a reason to walk out on me like that again."

His only response was to curl up closer to her much warmer body, turning his face toward her stomach and pulling his legs up behind her while he wrapped trembling arms around her back for comfort as well as body heat.

Leia squeezed him back, only just realizing how cold it was in the room, and wondering how Han had survived for so long.

"Thank you for holding on for me, Han," she whispered quietly in his ear. "I'm sorry I made you wait so long."

As she held him close, she realized that she could not yet be content just that Han had been found. She turned to her brother. "Luke, help me get him out of here. We've got to warm him up quickly."

Luke knelt down and helped Leia ease Han to his feet, each supporting one side of him. Once they were standing, Leia turned to Nesla, still standing silently in the doorway with a look of deep remorse in her eyes.

Leia turned to her as they walked past and said, "Thank you for giving him another chance. But you're going to have to come with us. We can't just let you go."

Nesla nodded slowly. "I understand."

Just by the look in Han's eyes Leia could tell he was confused by this exchange, but he never said a word, only shakily got into the speeder with the rest of them as they headed for the nearest medical facility.

Leia held Han close, trying to warm him up as best she could. His shaking had not subsided, and he was unable to speak. Leia tried to get him to drink some water, but he couldn't get it down.

"Luke you have to hurry."

"I'm going as fast as I can, Leia."

Nothing could be fast enough for her at that point. She feared that her husband was dying in her arms and there was nothing she could do about it – and it was her fault.

After what seemed like an eternity, they arrived at the med center. Luke had called ahead and a stretcher was waiting to take him in. Leia reluctantly released the grip she had on Han and let the doctors take him away, nearly not trusting to leave him in the care of anyone else.

Luke came up beside her and put an arm around her, sensing her reluctance to let them take him away. "It'll be all right, Leia. Let them do their job. He'll be just fine."

Leia let him go and heaved a sigh of relief, knowing she had done all that she could. _We found him. He's going to be ok._

Almost having forgotten she existed, Leia turned to the woman still sitting in the speeder, silent and staring at the floor. Leia didn't know whether to be grateful that she had shown them where Han was or if she should kill her for putting him in that position.

Leia walked up to the open window and spoke calmly. "I hope you realize that we're going to have to contact the authorities over this."

Nesla didn't even look up. "I understand."

"I know that you saved his life just now, and I can't thank you enough for that. But if it weren't for what you did then he wouldn't have needed saving in the first place."

The woman looked up at Leia. "I know that I've made some terrible decisions in my life, and this was probably the worst of them. It's just that I was so caught up in this idea of revenge that I'd had in my head since I was 14 years old, I guess I never realized who I might be hurting, or that I'd be doing the same thing to someone else as those Imperials did to me when I was a kid. I know now that it wasn't Han's fault. I guess I just couldn't see it before. I wanted to be able to take out my anger on someone. I really am sorry, you know. You married a good man. Even though it was only for a short time, he was the best friend I ever had."

_Mine, too. _Leia thought to herself. Her heart swelled when she was reminded that he would be _her _best friend for the rest of her life. Leia took pity on this woman she so recently thought of as a cold-hearted killer. "You're going to have to face the consequences of what you've done – I can't just let that slide – but after that, I am sure that Han and I can help you make a better life for yourself. Assuming Han doesn't mind, and I don't think he will."

Nesla's eyes spilled over with tears. "Thank you. I'd like that." Nesla sniffled and wiped her face before speaking again. "Just tell me something, is he still a smart-ass?"

Leia couldn't hold back the laughter. "Why do you ask?"

"I swear I didn't think he'd make it to his 12th birthday considering the way he liked mouthing off to superiors. And in our situation that usually got you quite a beating."

Leia felt a pang inside at the thought of her husband getting beaten as a child. She had known he had it rough, but he never went into much detail. She thought of Jacen, Jaina and Anakin and wondered how anyone could ever even consider hurting a child. _Sometimes you have to remember that there are a lot of terrible things out there in the Universe, which is why you can't take for granted all of the wonderful things you've got._

Leia had left Luke to wait with Nesla for the authorities to arrive while she went inside and watched from behind the glass as Han spent some time warming in a bacta tank. The doctors had assured her that he was going to be perfectly fine, and once he was warmed up and rehydrated she could take him home, where he belonged.

She was going to make sure that they went back to having the kind of relationship they used to have. Surely they could still make time for each other while they cared for their children. She didn't want to wait until she got him home to say what she needed to say before they restarted the rest of their lives.

Slowly, she entered his room to find him bare-chested, lying on his back with the bed covers pulled up to his waist. The readout on the nearby screen showed that his heart was beating strong and steady. She couldn't imagine what it would've felt like had she been just a little bit too late in finding him.

She watched his chest rise and fall for a moment, then saw his head roll to the side and his beautiful, hazel eyes looked at her. He merely smiled, and she smiled back.

"Almost time to get up, sleepyhead," Leia said, mimicking Jacen's favorite way to get them out of bed.

"Good, I'd say I'm ready to go home," he spoke quietly and licked his dry lips. "If it's ok with you, that is."

Leia choked out a breath and went to sit on his bed, taking his hand in both of hers, relieved to find how warm it now was. "Of course it's ok with me, Han. I'm so sorry about what happened. I'm sorry I didn't really listen to what you were saying. I guess I just didn't realize how badly I've been ignoring you lately."

He reached a hand up and cupped her cheek. "It's all right, sweetheart. You were right, I was being selfish."

She let out an exasperated sigh and looked at the ceiling before continuing. "That's just the thing. You weren't being selfish at all. You were right."

Han craned his head and looked at her skeptically. "I'm sorry, what was that? I couldn't quite hear you."

"Will you shut up and let me apologize? You were right about us not spending enough time together. I guess I just forgot how important it is that we always make time for each other, no matter how busy we are. It's just like when you first started trying to pursue me, only this time instead of being wrapped up in war, I was wrapped up in kids."

"So just so we're clear, you're saying I was right?"

"Not about everything. You were wrong when you said we don't need you. Not having you there, even for just a few days, you have no idea how much I missed you. How much _we _missed you."

"I've been gone for a few days before."

"Sure, but this time I wasn't sure if you were going to come back. I thought you'd left us, and all I could think about was what it would be like without you. I'm so sorry I took you for granted."

"Leia, sweetheart, I would never, ever leave you. I'm sorry that I walked out on you. I never meant to be gone for that long. And seeing Nesla again, and knowing how young I was when I got caught up with Shrike, and thinking about our kids… well, I guess I just forgot how lucky I was and how nothing is worth messing any of that up. Even if maybe you don't feel the same way about me."

"I still feel the same way about you, Han. I still love you more than anything… except for maybe those three little darlings we have back at home."

Han shrugged his shoulders and smiled. "Of course."

"I love you so much. But don't you dare ever accuse me of not caring anymore, you got that? I don't want you to ever doubt me."

"Sweetheart, if you don't want me to doubt you, you have to make sure to give me a good reason not to."

"I'll give you plenty of good reasons." She leaned down and kissed him, gently at first. Then she felt his hands slide up her neck and hold her face to his as he deepened the kiss, and she found herself becoming lost in his desire and the feel of his now-warm lips against hers. He hadn't kissed her like that in a long time, and she was very quickly reminded of what she had been missing out on.

She was startled by the sound of a female voice behind her. "His IV is done. As soon as I take it out, he can go home."

Their lips parted and they stared into each other's eyes. "What do you say, princess? Can we continue this in private at home?"

"I wouldn't want it any other way. There's a few other things we have to make up for lost time on."

"Wow, I guess you really must've missed me then, huh?"

"Of course I did. I'm sorry I didn't realize how I'd been treating you. Don't let me get preoccupied anymore, ok?"

"You know what's funny about this whole thing?" Han said. "We decided to make sure we were spending more time together and not going away as much. Now I'm home all the time and you just liked to pretend I wasn't there."

"I did not! Will you – " she stopped speaking when she saw the grin spread across his face and realized he'd been teasing her, even if there had been a hint of truth at his words.

She turned to the nurse behind her. "Go ahead and take his IV out. It's time for me to get my husband home."

"Daddy!" The three Solo children nearly tackled their father as he walked through the door with Leia. He squatted down and wrapped all three of them in an embrace, kissing each of their foreheads.

"I missed you guys."

Anakin looked up at his father. "I knew you were coming home, Daddy. I knew Mommy found you and made you warm and safe."

Han looked up at his wife and smiled. "She always does."

He kissed each of them again and then rose to his feet to give Leia a quick kiss.

"Ewww!" The three children squealed in mock-horror.

"Get used to it, guys," Han said before winking at his wife.

"I've got a great idea," Leia said. "How about you three go put on your pajamas and Daddy will come read you a bedtime story. Sound good?"

"Yeah!" The three young Solos yelled before running off toward their bedroom.

Leia pulled Han's face to hers and kissed him again, suddenly unable to get enough. She was only far too aware of how close she'd come to losing her husband, and him not knowing how much she still loved him. "You know, while you were gone they complained that I didn't do the voices in their stories as well as you do. They missed you, Han."

"Well, I missed them, too. And it's good to see they're glad to have me back."

"Of course they are. They need their father, Han. I know you might not see it every day, and I know you don't have the Force, but they still need you and love you more than anything. And so do I."

"Don't you forget it," Han said, leaning down and kissing her deeply.

"We're ready for our story, Daddy!" Jaina yelled from her room.

Han slowly pulled away and looked deep into his wife's brown eyes. "Hold that thought, ok?"

"I think I can do that."

Leia let Han go to the children while she went to their bedroom.

After waiting roughly 30 minutes with no sign of her husband, Leia decided to go check and make sure the children hadn't convinced him to read them story upon story and he didn't have the heart to turn them down and come to bed.

She tiptoed down the hallway and peeked around the doorway to find that all three children were fast asleep, as was her husband, lying on his back on Anakin's bed with his youngest son lying in the crook of Han's arm. It was moments like those that reminded her how lucky she was and how much she loved her family.

She was debating whether or not she should wake Han up, when she saw his eyes flutter before he looked up at her and smiled. She beamed back at him. He brought a hand to his lips and mouthed, "Shhh…." Before carefully disentangling himself from underneath Anakin and padding out of the room, grasping Leia's hand when he reached her and leading her towards their bedroom.

Once inside with the door closed, she turned to him, brought her hands up to his face and kissed him. He kissed back with equal fervor, releasing weeks of frustration and worry. "You sure you're not too tired?" Leia asked.

"That's the difference between you and me, Leia. I'm never too tired for this."

"Well, I promise I never will be again either. As long as you make sure it's worth it."

"Oh, it'll be worth it. Don't you remember? I know it's been a while, but it hasn't been _that _long."

She smiled at him. "No, I'd never forget."

She felt his hands slip underneath the back of her nightgown. "Now, sweetheart, I don't think I've quite finished getting warmed up yet."

"By all means, let me help you with that."

He smiled and leaned in to kiss her neck as her head fell back.

They made love slowly, as though they wanted the night to last forever. Leia had forgotten how much she enjoyed the way Han made her feel, like she was the only woman in the galaxy and everything he did was just for her. She had forgotten how wonderful it felt to feel so loved and desired and did everything she could to make sure he felt the same way.

Hours later, Han's body was pressed up against Leia's back as he held her close and whispered in her ear, "Thanks for warming me up."

"My pleasure," Leia replied, feeling completely content to lie there in his arms.

He kissed the spot behind her ear and she shivered before he squeezed her tighter. "Wasn't too bad for me, either. I missed you, Leia. I missed _this._"

"So did I, Han. I just didn't realize how much until now. Does this mean you forgive me?"

She turned her head to look at his face only inches away from hers as he looked down at her. "Of course I forgive you. But that doesn't mean that I'm not going to give you every opportunity to continue to make it up to me," he said as one of his hands slid down to cup her breast.

"Tomorrow," he said before he kissed her earlobe, "and the next night," he paused again as his lips moved lower on her neck. "And the night after that…"

"Mmmm…" Leia said as she reveled in the warmth of his touch. "I suppose it's a punishment I can live with."

She turned in his arms to face him and stroked his cheek. "Sometimes I wonder what I ever did to deserve you."

He smiled at her. "I was just thinking the same thing about you. Thanks for finding me."

"I'm just sorry I took so long."

He whispered quietly in her ear. "I love you," before settling his head against the pillow and shutting his eyes.

"I love you, Han."

She shut her eyes and drifted toward sleep, all the while thinking about how she would never again take Han's love for granted and that she needed him as much as he needed her. And she silently vowed never to forget it again.

_**A/N - Thus ends my experiment with creating a rift in the Han and Leia relationship. Rest assured that I will be going back to my old ways after this. Please take the time to review if you enjoyed this, even if it's only a sentence it is greatly appreciated and will likely spur more inspiration to write. Thanks for reading!**_


End file.
